No Longer Afraid

I am embracing the fullness and power of the Summer Solstice as I share with you a most recent realization; a perfect example of finding Meaning in the Mystery....

* * *

My entire life I have been afraid of thunderstorms.

Until last week.

As far back as I can remember, I have become fearful and anxious with bad weather. Especially if I am home alone.

Until last week.

I have fled to neighbors' houses (the adult equivalent of my parents' bedroom, I suppose), I have hung out in large chain grocery stores, I have headed for the basement, I have sought solace with a pillow over my head and plugs in my ears...

.until.last.week.


With the increasing heat and humidity, we've had round after round of thunderstorms over the past couple of weeks.

One night I found myself home alone as a strong, sudden, forceful gale blew through.

I was calm.

I moved quietly through the house, unplugging the necessary electronics and locating the flashlight.

I was fine.

I was not afraid.

I did not flinch at the lightning, nor tremble with the thunder.

I felt at peace.

Today we had more storms. Hard rain, thunder, and lightning.

I napped.

I continued with my daily routine unattached to the rolling rumbles and pouring ran.

It was just the soundtrack playing in the background of my day.

* * *

When I tell you this is a huge shift for me, I cannot adequately express in words what I mean.

Perhaps, having weathered the inner and outer storms that have blown through my life over the past few years, I have a new-found sense of confidence in my survival skills.

I do know that I had a recent encounter which likely precipitated this transformation...

A few weeks ago I took an afternoon walk. It was raining lightly.

As I emerged from the woods, I sat down* to rest, ponder, and soak in the moment. Without solicitation, an overwhelming sense of peace came over me.

It's as if the very plants and trees in their abundant, moist greenery were speaking to me.

And all of a sudden I *knew* in every cell of my being that, no matter what happens in my life, I will be okay. There is nothing to fear.

It was a gift infusion of power and peace.

All these weeks later it stays with me ~ as fresh and as true as it was that day.

* * *

Have I left behind my PTSD? Anxiety? Depression?

Have I emerged from my Dark Night proudly wearing my red badge of courage?

Have I learned that the Soul who resides in my bodily guesthouse is truly eternal and unscathed by the trappings of this world?

Yes. I think so.

And it feels like a really good place to be.

* * *

"I am no longer afraid of storms,
for I am learning to sail my own ship."
~Louisa May Alcott

*It would only be later that we would discover the dove's nest tucked securely in the eaves of the park shelter under which I sat that day.

Go here to read about dove medicine.